Last night i had a dream, that I was doctoring in the hospital. I had on my white coat (which is not a long one, it goes to my hips) but i'd forgotten to wear clothes under it. So I was just trying to make do and hoping no one noticed, because there wasn't much else I could do because I had to see patients. One of my patients was Steve Martin. Apparently (dream knowledge) I'd been taking care of him for a while and he was IN LOVE with me. At the point of arrival in my dream, I was accustomed to his professions of adoration and attempts to hold me captive each time I saw him. This time was no exception and he grabbed my hand from his place in his bed and said something like, "Let's not torture ourselves anymore. You know your 'yes' is the only medicine for me." I gave a professional (and dream-familiar) response, "Steve Martin, I am your doctor. You know that is all I will be to you. This is inappropriate." Then he apologized tearfully, which made me feel bad because, let's admit, Steve Martin is a good guy and fairly attractive for his age!
But I remained in doctor-mode and carried on checking the rate at which his fluids were running and going over his at his vital signs chart. Then, I took off my white coat to do an exam and looked down, only then to remember I'd forgotten to wear clothes! And I thought to myself "DAMN! Now Steve Martin is really going to get the wrong idea!!" And he did. So the dream moves into like a movie-script-like sequence (specifically a made-for-T.V., Daddy-issues, Lifetime movie.) He tried to kiss me or something and I jumped back and fumbled to put my coat on. I asked Steve Martin not to tell anyone what happened, which gave him the impression that something HAD happened. So as I was avoiding his groping hand and buttoning up my white coat and explaining that I'd merely forgotten to put on clothes that morning, his family, including (who in my dream I knew to be) his ex-wife and daughter come in. They were furious. Not so much with me, because they liked me and knew he'd been making advances on me. But with him because they were already semi-estranged from him because he was a jerk (heh. good movie.) I chased them down the hallway (tugging at the bottom of my white coat) as they stormed away because I needed to speak with them in that family-doctor circle they have in movies to explain medical stuff. As they stood there tight lipped and said they didn't care about his diagnosis, I broke into tears and went on a rampage about how good of a person Steve Martin was, despite his mistakes (and his weird propensity to try to win me over with origami and hot tamales) and how he never stopped talking about how proud he was of his daughter and how much he loved her and how he'd disappointed his ex-wife, who deserved better. I told them they were lucky to have a man like that in their lives and how I wished Steve Martin were my father (which I admitted to them was weird since he was always trying to take my clothes off and pull me into his hospital bed) but how they shouldn't be so hostile about his shortcomings. The daughter and ex-wife also broke into tears and we all hugged and they thanked me and apologized and we cried and cried...
All the while I have no pants on.
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